I am feeling completely lost
There are points in my life when I feel like I'm floating alone in the dark space. I hear nothing, I see nothing and I feel nothing. Those times come when I am a few metres away from the next phase in my life: the time before a huge change is about to happen.
I graduated from LLB Law last year and am a little more than 4 months away from completing the LPC. But I have no training contract, haven't done any vacation schemes and have no job. People around me are already steps ahead of me. They've got training contracts or have found other jobs they are passionate about. They seem to be on track, knowing exactly what to do with their lives.
I want change. I want my life to improve. I want a job.
But I am overwhelmed by this frustrating situation and feel like I can't do anything.
Last week I sat down in front of my desk and agonised over my future. I was desperate to get a job before I graduate from LPC, so I began to come up with things I could do to reach that goal. I wrote down on top of my April Week 3 page in my diary: "Getting a job D-5 months". I was able to come up with a long list that included:
- reading and analysing news articles everyday
- writing applications everyday
- furthering my interest in legaltech by self-studying
- reaching out to professionals
Then from the next day I began to get into the habit of doing these things every single day. A week has passed and I can say that I've kept that promise with myself.
However, I still feel discouraged. I am not sure whether these steps will get me to the point where I want to be and this skepticism is nibbling away my motivation.
This morning, I read an interview of one famous comedian. He said that every start he had was a total failure. All the shows that he participated in struggled in the beginning. So he thought why he was so incapable and why everything he was doing weren't working out. But he kept doing his best. He thought about what he could do, what he could control, and did them. Years have passed and he's now one of the most successful comedians.
This gave me a lesson that I just need to believe in myself. I've just taken a few steps from the starting line and the end point seems to be so far away that I can't even see. I've been doing something for a week but there seems to be no change. But as long as I take a step ahead, I will be a step closer to the end point. I might still not see where that end point is, but I'll know that I've got a little closer to it.
Beginning is difficult. It requires strong self-belief and perseverance. I just need to keep doing what I can do without thinking about the huge future that seems so overwhelming. Just focus on the things in front of me and I will find myself getting closer and closer to my goal.