Unemployment causes insomnia
Okay so it's that time again. Exams are over and I need to get back to working on job applications. Coronavirus made it more difficult to get employed and this is causing me anxiety. It's 4am here now and I can't sleep. If I try to sleep, I keep worrying about my future. It seems like everyone else is on their track. They are doing internships, some are about to get the actual job offer at the end of their internships, and some started a business. What am I doing?
Well I am doing something. I've created an app, am writing training contract applications, looking for internships to do meanwhile. But it feels like I am not on track. I think it's because it's unclear whether or not I will be able to get a training contract. I've been preparing for this track last 4 years, and if I don't get it, I will be so lost. What do I have to do then? All I can do is something law-related. That is what I've been doing at university and at law school. That's the only thing I can do.
I feel very incompetent to be honest. I thought I was a hard-working, clever girl but seems like I am not. If I don't get that training contract, I guess I will become useless.
So these are the thoughts that keeps messing up my had every night. It's painful and I cannot sleep. I guess this won't end until I successfully get a job.
But I also know that this is a process that thousands of other law students are going through too. I know some people who got their training contract 2-3 years after graduation. Maybe it's not my timing yet. I'm getting better and my applications are improving. I am continuously acquiring new skills and knowledge. If I compare myself with myself 3 years ago, I am a totally different person. Back then, I was 100% certain that law firms will not like me. I could not come up with a single reason why law firms should accept me. But now, I am 100% confident that I will be a valuable trainee. I can come up with numerous reasons why law firms should select me and I am confident that I can help them grow if I become their trainee.
So maybe I am on my track. Yes, it would have been great if I worked harder 3 years ago and gained this confidence and skills back then. But people have different timings and some people realise what they have to do much later. It is a bit of waste of time, but what's important is that I've became a much better person now. If I am confident with myself, law firms should be able to see that. I just have to keep applying for a training contract until that one law firm, not even two, but just one, notices me.
Okay, I can do this. I should stop comparing myself with other people, stop worrying about my future and waste time, and just do what I can do. I am going to be a better person each day. If I do what I can do and keep working towards a goal, I am 100% sure that law firms will accept me as their trainee. I can certainly do this and will do this.